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Are you giving away your power?
This is a very challenging exercise, one with huge potential benefit for your work, your leadership, and your life. Be aware of each time in your work and personal life that you give away or deny your power.
There may be circumstances in which we choose, for very good reasons, not to
exercise the power we have. But what about those times when, out
of fear and habit, we deny what is ours to do and say?
The excercise below is intended to help identify where we defer to others, not because we believe they are right, but out of fear. Where we need to be speaking our truth, and don’t. Where there is an opportunity to express or live our purpose, but we don’t.
It’s not like we sit back and say, "O.K. I think I’ll give my power away to this person. I think I’ll mask what I really think and feel to a degree that I’m out of integrity." Or, " In this very next moment, I’m going to fail to stand for my purpose and my life. Here I go. One. Two. Three...!"
No. It’s habitual. We sort of look the other way while we’re doing it. We "fail to notice" that we’re denying our power. Or we rationalize. These patterns are very subtle, and tend to disappear into the bushes when we try to observe them.
A good approach may be to think of this exercise as bird-watching. You’re a dedicated ornithologist, diligently noting sightings of various birds. You’re not getting caught up in whether the birds are attractive or not. You’re simply observing the frequency of sightings, and their characteristics of color, song and behaviour.
In many or most cases, you won’t notice these behaviours until after the moment passes. Here are a few examples:
These are large or gross examples. As you start turning your awareness to these patterns, it’s like using the zoom lens on your binoculars. You will begin to see more and more subtle examples of how you deny, withhold, or give away your power. For most of us, if we were really vigilant and honest, there are probably 10-50 possible examples every day.
Try this exercise and you will begin to notice different patterns of denying your power. The notion of bird-watching can be very helpful. Simply note the appearance of this phenomenon. Each and every one.
Because we are all relative beginners at second attention (the capacity to witness what we are doing while we do it), I advise you to build in 3-5 "pauses" in the day to do this practice. For example, look at your schedule each day and decide on a number of points where you will stop for a just a few minutes, and reflect back on your behaviour since the last pause point. In these moments of self-reflection, do the exercise. See how many sightings you can find over the previous few hours of giving away or denying your power. Make sure to end every work day (or before going to bed) with a few minutes of doing the practice. You may also find it helpful to do regular journaling about your "bird sightings."
You have just been handed a very powerful tool. One that has the potential to significantly increase your ability to create a better world. Try this practice for approximately 3 weeks. The tool is in your hands. It is up to you to choose to use it. It is challenging to shift life-long patterns of behavior. For the sake of your own joy and fulfillment, for the sake of those who depend on the strength and clarity of your leadership, and for this world that so needs our true power… give it your best!
The excercise below is intended to help identify where we defer to others, not because we believe they are right, but out of fear. Where we need to be speaking our truth, and don’t. Where there is an opportunity to express or live our purpose, but we don’t.
It’s not like we sit back and say, "O.K. I think I’ll give my power away to this person. I think I’ll mask what I really think and feel to a degree that I’m out of integrity." Or, " In this very next moment, I’m going to fail to stand for my purpose and my life. Here I go. One. Two. Three...!"
No. It’s habitual. We sort of look the other way while we’re doing it. We "fail to notice" that we’re denying our power. Or we rationalize. These patterns are very subtle, and tend to disappear into the bushes when we try to observe them.
A good approach may be to think of this exercise as bird-watching. You’re a dedicated ornithologist, diligently noting sightings of various birds. You’re not getting caught up in whether the birds are attractive or not. You’re simply observing the frequency of sightings, and their characteristics of color, song and behaviour.
In many or most cases, you won’t notice these behaviours until after the moment passes. Here are a few examples:
- My co-worker has once again failed to follow-through on the work she had committed to do. I let it pass, because I was afraid she would get defensive.
- I know the Board Chair and I disagree about this, but I’m concerned that if it comes to a confrontation, I’ll lose. I just got off the on the phone preparing for the meeting. I ducked bringing up the issue.
- Working on our fund-raising plan. I really wanted to go for 1.4 million, but I was afraid and choose to play it safe. I wrote in 1.1 million.
These are large or gross examples. As you start turning your awareness to these patterns, it’s like using the zoom lens on your binoculars. You will begin to see more and more subtle examples of how you deny, withhold, or give away your power. For most of us, if we were really vigilant and honest, there are probably 10-50 possible examples every day.
Try this exercise and you will begin to notice different patterns of denying your power. The notion of bird-watching can be very helpful. Simply note the appearance of this phenomenon. Each and every one.
Because we are all relative beginners at second attention (the capacity to witness what we are doing while we do it), I advise you to build in 3-5 "pauses" in the day to do this practice. For example, look at your schedule each day and decide on a number of points where you will stop for a just a few minutes, and reflect back on your behaviour since the last pause point. In these moments of self-reflection, do the exercise. See how many sightings you can find over the previous few hours of giving away or denying your power. Make sure to end every work day (or before going to bed) with a few minutes of doing the practice. You may also find it helpful to do regular journaling about your "bird sightings."
You have just been handed a very powerful tool. One that has the potential to significantly increase your ability to create a better world. Try this practice for approximately 3 weeks. The tool is in your hands. It is up to you to choose to use it. It is challenging to shift life-long patterns of behavior. For the sake of your own joy and fulfillment, for the sake of those who depend on the strength and clarity of your leadership, and for this world that so needs our true power… give it your best!
With Julian Griggs